btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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