You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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