funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
