All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
