she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No I am not eating basil off your cock
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
