im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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