if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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