I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
