so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
God I need to hump something, right now.
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