It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
