I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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