i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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