Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
