So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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