when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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