your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
