I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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