i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
