you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
