I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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