Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
