FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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