I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
