Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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