yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
