the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
