I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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