If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
