good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
