Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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