Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
