you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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