Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
