She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
