Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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