My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Congratulations! We have a period
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
