Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
