i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
