well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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