You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
