too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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