i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
