also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
