we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
