I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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