I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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