What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
