i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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