You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
