i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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