the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
