So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
