I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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