do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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