Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
