i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
