I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
