Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
