I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
