The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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