Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
